The Five Worst
Date Places
© 2004 BestShowTicketsLasVegas.com
Food in teeth, nausea, childhood stories and exposing
your pot belly are all things you ought to avoid on
first or second dates. You run the risk of experiencing
these and other humiliating incidents if you choose
the wrong place to bring your date. Good places are
memorable, different, unique, cost-effective, and
relevant to both of you in some way. Bad date places
have none of these qualities and the worst places
not only lack these things, but also embarrass you
and assure that you’ll never get another date
with the person again.
Let’s look at the function of a date. If you’re
single, a date acts like an interview. Your goal is
to get the other person to still like you enough when
the date is over to go out with you again, assuming
you’re still interested as well. You’re
trying to appear cool, sexy, together, confident,
and fun. You’re also trying to make the other
person as comfortable as possible.
That’s why avoiding the worst places is the
first step in smart dating. The following lists the
worst places you could choose to go on a date and
I recommend that you avoid them like the plague if
you want the other person to still like you when it’s
over.
An Amusement Park
As the roller coaster nears its pinnacle your date
looks over the side and silently swears under her
breath at you for talking her into going on this ride.
She hates roller coasters, has always been afraid
of them, and is highly susceptible to motion sickness.
As she contemplates her strategy to avoid you in the
future, the coaster starts its stomach-turning decent,
and she leans over and throws up in your lap, her
way of saying “Thanks for the great date”.
Amusement parks are a funky phenomenon. You’ll
often find overgrown stuffed animals running around
trying to high-five you, screaming children, long
lines, and overpriced food. Unless your date is an
amusement park buff, it’s unlikely he or she
is going to love the idea.
The Beach
Don’t get me wrong, the beach is a great place.
But from the point of view of a date with a near stranger,
it stinks. First, there’s an awful lot of sand
and it can get everywhere. You can’t easily
eat on the beach; a lack of furniture contributes
to that. With sand and bugs-o-plenty, eating ends
up being a drag.
But probably the worst thing about the beach is that
you’re compelled to take off most of your clothes.
Now, if you both have hot bodies, well-groomed with
flat stomachs and great muscle tone, then you have
nothing to worry about. But if you don’t, stay
away from places that make you feel silly if you want
to keep all your imperfection-hiding clothes on.
A Non-Traditional Restaurant
One time I took a date to a Japanese restaurant where
they made everyone take off their shoes upon entering.
There were no chairs, just floor-level tables that
everyone sat around on little pillows. It didn’t
seem like it was going to be too bad until I started
to smell my feet while eating our salads. The noxious
odor must have been escaping from the various holes
in my ratty socks. The whole night was humiliatingly
awkward.
Other places to avoid are eateries where you’re
expected to use your hands to feed yourself. A first
date doesn’t want to watch you maul your barbeque
ribs and chicken legs like The Missing Link. No one
likes the thought of being touched later on by greasy
fingers. And have you ever eaten corn on the cob and
come away with clean teeth?
A Family Function
I don’t know about your family, but a few of
my great-aunts have hairy faces. I mean really hairy,
with partial beards and hairy moles. One of my uncles
thinks he’s still living in 1880 and uses every
racist expression ever known. So it goes without saying
that I never brought dates to family functions. And
you shouldn’t either. Weddings, reunions, baptisms,
bat mitzvahs, and especially funerals, are out.
There’s no such thing as a family that isn’t
dysfunctional. It doesn’t exist. If you bring
a first or second date to a family function be prepared
for somebody to embarrass you. Grandma will ask you
two when you’re getting married and when to
expect great grandchildren. And your little cousin
Eunice will promptly tell your date all about the
time you farted in church.
Your Parent’s House for Dinner
I can’t think of a more uncomfortable setting
than sitting at a dinner table with complete strangers
in their own house. Don’t put a date through
this torture. You may have the hippest parents in
the world. They may intelligent, hospitable and interesting.
But don’t subject anyone you just recently met
to your parents for an entire dinner.
Often the parent of your same sex looks like you’re
going to look in twenty five years. You’ll find
your date sizing up your parent asking themselves
whether they’ll be ok with your pot belly and
hairy ears a couple of decades from now.
Bringing your date to your parent’s house is
just asking for trouble. Your mom may temporarily
forget that you’re trying to make an impression
and start talking to you like you’re thirteen
years old again, “Before you leave tonight my
little muffin, can you take your hemorrhoid ointment
out of our medicine cabinet, daddy keeps using it
for lip cream by mistake.”
Dates can be traumatic and nerve-racking in the best
of places so don’t make it harder on either
of you than you have to. There are some great places
to take a date that will make you look like a hero,
won’t cost you too much, will give you just
enough time to talk to each other, but will also provide
an entertaining distraction.
I’m talking about museums, jazz shows, rock
concerts, musicals,
art shows, plays
and live comedy. These are all cool places to bring
a first or second date. They allow you to talk and
be entertained at the same time. These types of places
make the date memorable, distinct and out of the ordinary.
It shows you put more than just a little thought in
the idea. And if you’re trying to get someone
to go out with you for the first time, find out what
kind of bands, shows, comedians or plays they like,
buy a couple of tickets, and casually invite them
along with an explanation like your buddy just cancelled
on you and you have a free ticket that you don’t
want to waste.